Pay It Forward
Script 2/15/23
This was co-written for the Procrastination Sketch Show with Henry Kueppers:
INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Open with MAN approaching counter at coffee shop.
MAN
Hey, how’s it going? Can I get a large black coffee to go?
BARISTA
There you go sir. And you don’t have to worry about it, the gentleman in front of you already paid for it.
MAN
Hah, huh…what’s that now?
BARISTA
Your coffee. It’s paid for…you know, pay it forward?
MAN
Pay it to who now?
BARISTA
Pay it forward, someone paid for your drink, you can pay for the next person’s
MAN
No no there’s been a misunderstanding, I can pay for my coffee
BARISTA
Right, we know you can, it’s not a comment on if you can or can’t pay, it’s just a nice gesture.
MAN
For who? You see that lexus out there? That’s my baby out there. You think someone paid that forward to me? Deandra?
BARISTA
Uh, my name is Clare
MAN turns to the rest of coffee shop
MAN
Alright…who did it? I’m not mad.
Greeted by silence. Everyone is on edge
MAN
I’ll admit…I’m curious. And I’ll say it, I’m miffed.
Someone gets up to leave the joint
MAN
Oh! Whoa whoa whoa, no one’s going. What'd you get?
GUY
Uh…an iced tea.
MAN
Iced tea. Quaint! Pleasant! You want another one?
GUY
No, I’m alright.
MAN
Oh no! PLEASE I insist. After all, I’m paying it forward.
BARISTA
Sir, you’re scaring the customers.
MAN
Well then maybe they oughta pay it forward to another joint then
BARISTA
Listen, if you want to pay for your drink you can, sir
MAN
We’re past that point Deandra! We’re past that point. Anyone have a mortgage payment they want covered?
GUY
…I’m not standing up because I want that, I’m still just trying to leave.
MAN
No no no- here take my keys. Why don’t you drive home and have sex with my wife? If we’re paying it forward right?!
GUY
I - I don’t want to do that
MAN starts laughing maniacally. This does not help the mood
MAN
Oh I get it now. Very good, VERY GOOD. Alright, where are they? Where are the cameras? Where are the Improbable Jokesters? Come out come out. I’ll smile, I’ll play nice, it was a good one! You got me.
Pause
MAN crushes his drink
MAN
So they’re not here.
BARISTA
No. Why would they?
MAN takes a deep breath
MAN
(Defeated) Today’s my birthday.
BARISTA
What?
MAN
July 7th, 1986. The day I came into this Earth.
GUY
Hey wait! That’s today!
MAN
My drink was going to be free.
BARISTA
Um…happy birthday?
MAN
You know what? I really appreciate that. It goes a long way. Thank you.
Pause
MAN
This… this was fun. We should do this again. I had fun.
I was worried for a second! Edge of my seat!